My Multitask Breakdown

Are you a habitual multitasker? I’m pretty sure that on some level, we’re all guilty. The reason we multitask is to save time, right? But what about the quality of work, quality of relationship and even the quality of our life. Is the trade off of saving time worth it?

I definitely qualify as a multitasker. I noticed how bad my multitasking had become when the other night, I sat down to watch one of my favorite TV shows and decided that I could work on some business at the same time on my laptop. Then I looked over at Rob and he was tapping on his iPhone, while watching the same show. That’s when it hit me. We’ve gone off the deep end. We can’t even sit to enjoy a mindless television program without being “connected” and multitasking. Whether it’s doing research for a new destination, reading about a new hotel, writing a new blog or just surfing the net, I couldn’t stop! The reality is, I was half doing both, which means both were suffering. Honestly, how can I watch, understand and enjoy a TV show while I’m reading hotel reviews and vice-versa! The truth is I can’t. So, not only am I doing crappy research, but I’m also not allowing myself enjoyment.

This got me thinking. Before cell phones became mini-computers, when you went out for dinner or to a movie with someone, 100% of the time was spent on conversation between you and your friend, husband or date. Now, when I go out to dinner, I notice that everyone has a cell phone on the table or even worse, in their hand. The other person is either staring out the window wishing they were somewhere else or on their phone too! Just ask my husband and he’ll tell you that his iPhone and I do NOT get along. I often remind him that his iPhone may end up with a cement block tied around it, swimming with the fishes, so to speak. Having a portable minicomputer is a wonderful advance in technology. In fact, when I got lost the other day trying to find the farmer’s market, I wished I had one. But, the millions of aps and immediate access to everything in your life with one tap is too addicting.

Then of course there is Facebook and twitter, which now can be accessed through your phone ap too! That is the ultimate in multitask time wasting. Not only are you Twittering and updating your Facebook status every 10 minutes, but you’re most likely doing it while doing something else or while with someone else.  Just the other day I updated my FB status to tell everyone I was researching and writing a new blog. Was I? Or was I wasting my time while Facebooking, again that damn need to be “connected”.

The truth is, Multitasking is overrated and has consequences. If your entire focus is not on what you are currently doing, whether it’s work or play, it will suffer. Think of how your parents hounded you as a child to not watch TV or talk on the phone while doing your homework. In an effort to try to reduce my personal multitasking habit I decided to make a list including the multitasks and their consequences. Of course, as soon as you focus on something, it shows up constantly. Kinda like when you want to buy a new car and then you start seeing that make and model everywhere. Well, my list began to grow. But Wednesday morning, I hit multitask rock-bottom. Here’s the story. I was making breakfast, packing my lunch all while trying to come up with a title for a new product with Rob. I placed my lunch bag on top of the stove burner that I just took hard boiled eggs off of and burnt a hole right though it! Not only did I ruin my bag, possible the stove burner, but it could have started a fire and on top of all that, I was half listening to Rob when he was trying to have a real conversation with me. I felt like like an idiot. But the reality is, I’m just in need of Multitaskers Anonymous.

Multitasking is a disease that is taking over our country and our world. We are all in need of a cure. Understandably, we are not always going to make the right choice. And, just like eating a cookie while on a diet, your multitask will have a negative effect on your life and your work.

So, my mission is to bring back the Single Tasking mind frame. Here’s a few simple ideas that I think will improve your quality of life and your work.

• Pick a time to work on projects when you know you won’t be interrupted.
• When you answer your cellphone, stop taping on your computer.
• Shut off your phones and allow dinner to happen without the interruption of iPhones and Blackberries (which are called Crack-berries for a reason!).
• Don’t eat dinner in front of the TV or laptop.
• When you watch TV or a movie, let’s put the electronics away.

What do you think? Are your projects and relationships suffering due to over multitasking?

Jet Set Charm School: A Chick Prospective- An interview with Jordan Harbinger of Art of Charm School.

So, how do you know that you’ve made it? Well, when Saturday Night Live’s Seth Meyers (who ironically had my Mom for a French teacher in high school) parodies your company in Weekend Update, I’d say that you’re now on the radar!

The following is an Interview with Jordan Harbinger from the Art of Charm School. This guy is the real deal and the Master of Social Dynamics. You can catch him on the Today Show or Sirius Satellite Radio, at PickUp Podcast or at The Art of Charm. This interview is from the chick’s perspective, but guys, you may find some insight here too. If not, check out my husband’s blog for the guys perspective with Jordan.

1. The Art of Charm teaches women to be selective. Explain why you think that is important for women.
As evidenced in part by our astronomical divorce rate, people are having issues maintaining a relationship.  One of the principal reasons this occurs is that people have either limited experience with relationships in general before they decide to marry, are afraid they won’t find the right person and thus ‘settle’ for what they know they can get at the time, or both.  Women and men are equally guilty of this, and it is important for women to screen for the right man BEFORE they get married, instead of hoping to change someone they’re currently dating into something they aren’t.  Being selective is the only way to ensure that you end up with the right partner for life, not just for you, but for the sake of your whole family.  This is the most important decision any woman can make in her lifetime, so it is absolutely crucial that a woman have the power to select the man she feels is best suited for the job.  This power is what we help you cultivate here at The Art of Charm.

2. People underestimate the power of the feminine energy (the nurturing, soft, loving, caring energy, not just the sexuality). Women often feel that they need take on a more masculine role to “get the job done” or “compete with the guys”. But if you ask my husband, he’ll tell you a feminine woman has a better chance of gaining his attention, business etc.. than a masculine woman. How does The Art of Charm teach a woman to use her natural feminine energy to obtain the life they’ve always wanted?
Many women think “strong” and “masculine” are synonymous. A woman’s strength does not come from mimicking masculine behavior. Women generally have a different set of skills to work with, and learning to identify those skills – things such as being more detail-oriented, able to multi-task more efficiently and being more aware of interpersonal relationships -  are where feminine strength comes from. Women are also more apt to trust their “instincts” then men are, and we teach them why that’s so and we break down what is commonly labeled as “instinct” so they can learn why many times it’s okay to trust it. Women cannot succeed in the long run mimicking men because in the end, men ARE men. Women learning to utilize their own strengths rather than trying to copy the behavior of men will always be more effective.

3. Many believe that people mostly date someone on their own level. Example: A hot lady will date a hot guy. Do you believe that this is a true statement and how can The Art of Charm teach people to be able to date up a level?
Many people spend their lives laboring under the misconception that there are “levels” to interpersonal relationships. We spend a lot of time teaching and demonstrating personal value in our programs. The truth is that levels only exist in people’s minds. When a person feels his or her own value is high, they are able to see the rest of the world the same way. This effectively levels the playing field and a whole new world opens up. “Levels” are like the Matrix. It’s simply a construct of the mind. Our students learn that it doesn’t really exist, and once they have that internalized, that’s when they truly begin to live.

4. People often have no sensory acuity*. Example of having no “sensory acuity” is when a man approaches a woman and he confuses her politeness as her being interested in him and keeps pursuing her. How can people use their senses better when approaching the opposite sex?
The short answer is PRACTICE. People are ALWAYS using their senses, but the mistakes and misunderstandings arise when they attribute the wrong meaning to them. There are so many variables to human interaction that only practice can get a person better at recognizing what their senses are telling them. People who want to get better at reading people MUST get out and do it. There is absolutely no amount of reading that will substitute actual live interaction.

5. I hate being mean to anyone, and I often get approached by men while traveling. How can I let a guy down without completely damaging his self-esteem and avoid him thinking that I am being a bi-atch?
First, women in general need to be more understanding and flattered when men approach them. It takes a lot for a man to get up the courage to risk being rejected! So begin with just some human respect. If a woman feels respect for a man who has approached her, even if she’s not attracted, she will generally find it easier to let him know that she isn’t interested. Working having a boyfriend/husband into the conversation is a pretty low-key, easy way to start. Most often, men will appreciate a simple smile and something along the lines of, “You seem like a great guy and I’m very flattered, but I’m not interested. I’ll keep my eye out for you, though!” The fact of the matter is the he probably really IS a great guy – just not the right one for you. Don’t just be nice and lead him on because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but there’s no need to act like he’s a parasite, either.

6. Women love masculine men.  Think Sean Connery, Johnny Depp, Clark Gable and Russell Crowe.  Masculine men are confident, not arrogant and strong, not overbearing. We want them to be the “rock” when we have an emotional whirlwind. How does The Art of Charm teach men to be masculine and to be that “rock” in a relationship that a woman wants?
We teach men that women are emotional creatures, and they just need to accept that as fact. Generally, when a woman is in an emotional tizzy, she’s not looking for her man to give her answers or solve her problem. She just needs to get all that worked-up emotion out. We explain that men don’t need to understand the emotions that women pour out. That’s a big relief for just about everyone! All men have to do is just BE the rock. A man needs to go to her after all the emotion is out, wrap her in his arms and let her know it’s going to be all right. Most of the time, that’s all it takes. The key is not trying to understand WHAT women are saying, but HOW they’re saying it.

7. How can The Art of Charm teach women to become leaders in business without compromising their femininity?
We teach women that being leaders in business is not about COMPROMISING their femininity, it’s about UTILISING it. We spend a lot of time on body language and what we call the Map of Interaction. Body language is incredibly important because many women aren’t aware that what their bodies are saying is not what they mean to say. The Map of Interaction shows exactly how people interact with each other in any given situation, from the most personal to the most hard-core business deal. When a woman understands HOW people interact with each other, she can learn to use her uniquely feminine traits to lead with confidence and power.

8. I saw that you recommend The Doors and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off on your website. What lessons can be learned form these films with regard to The Art of the Charm?
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a film about a kid who takes life by the horns and who never allows other people’s negativity into his reality or lifestyle.  The Doors is a great illustration of super-sexual, confident body language.  We show clips of these films during some of our courses to illustrate certain talking points.

9. Explain what happens during your Advanced Attraction Boot Camp? What outcome should be expected?

The Art of Charm offers several programs and services, including our men’s three-day bootcamp which features over 35 hours of training, including at least five hours of classroom training and five hours of live “in-field” training each day. We also have a one-week live-in program, which is our most popular of all, and invites our clients to live with us at AoC Headquarters in Downtown Manhattan.  With this intensely focused program, our clients receive over sixty hours of training and are immersed in the study of our curriculum for an entire week.  This is the program that allows us to really see the transformation of our clients throughout the course of the program.  Our entire curriculum spans over 150 hours of training and is all based on the surrounding principles featured in the topics discussed in the Pickup Podcast.  We’ve deconstruct situations, personalities and social settings, and teach our clients about each one. We then put them back together and show you how to control them. We teach our clients how to be socially influential and lead in every situation in their lives. Some of the topics discussed in our curriculum are our map of interaction, secrets of social value, and how to effectively establish an attractive presence.  The tuition for each three-day program is $1997, and each one-week live-in program is $3497, with payment plans available, and prices scheduled to increase on December 1st, 2008.

The outcome we expect is simple. It is our goal with each of our programs that our clients have a life-changing experience.   We want each of our clients to leave their program feeling inspired that they now have the wisdom to apply the knowledge we have given them.  The knowledge that will enable them to meet, attract, and keep the type of people they want not only romantically, but personally, and professionally as well.
10. What is the #1 thing that men wished that woman knew?
I think we all wish women knew how much we put ourselves out there.  How much us men do actually think and feel about things.  The way that a woman can make us feel so unimaginably amazing and can have such power over us.  That we live our lives ultimately trying to become the best man we can be so we can provide everything for the women that are in our lives; our mothers, sister, lovers, and even friends.  Under the rough edges we men may carry, we are so excited to just brush the cheek of the woman we love, to take care of her gently, and protect her powerfully.  We wish women knew that every man on this planet knows in his heart, the root of his life, wants and desires is to find the right woman so he can give her everything.  As powerful as any man is, we are fragile and sincere in our hearts.

# # # #

We just returned from Buenos Aires. We’ve learned the Tango from the best, shopped in BsAs answer to Rodeo Drive and Soho, dined in hidden restaurants and partied till 7am with the BsAs elite! The video, photos and The List: Buenos Aires should be available soon. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter to get the insider BsAs information first!

The Differences of Men & Women

So here’s a quick Monday post that I feel I MUST write from an undisclosed Starbuck’s location. This isn’t “jet set” just normal life, but I found it interesting. As I quietly sip my Iced Passion Tea I hear the conversations that surround me.

Do want to understand the difference between men and women? My husband and I have uncovered a secret of Men & Women that puts Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venus to shame.

The Conversations That We Have:

Men: If you listen to men talk to each other or in a group the conversation goes like this….”Money, goals, money, goals, money goals, cars that I’ll get with the money, more goals”.

Women: If you listen to women talk to each other or in a group the conversation goes like this….”She…She….She…She…She…He…She…She….She…”

Yes men are focused on money, goals, cars and women are focused of the she du jour!

Don’t believe me, well, you’re getting homework. You’re going to open your ears and just listen!

Homework: Go to Starbuck’s or similar location and just listen, and you’ll see what I mean

Bonus Round: Want one more? Okay here it is.

The First Question We Ask:

Men: If a woman comes home and mentions to her husband/boyfriend, that she met someone new, like a new neighbor or a friend’s new boyfriend/husband, the first question her husband will ask her is…”What does he do?” Every single time. Men typically measure themselves by occupation.

Women: If a man comes home and mentions to his wife/girlfriend, that he met someone new, again a neighbor or friend’s girlfriend, the first question the wife/girlfriend will ask is either…”How old is he/she?” or possible (especially if it’s another woman)…”What do they look like or Is she pretty?” Women, whether you think you do or not, measure themselves by appearance. (Please don’t take this as a woman’s worth is only physical, that’s not what I’m saying…no need to get all crazy on me for this one)

Don’t believe me? Test it yourself.

HOMEWORK IS DUE BY FRIDAY. Go to Starbuck’s, dinner, a pool, just any social situation where you can eavesdrop and comment back and let me know what you heard!

A Tip for Women: Men need to empty. Men have caves for a reason. Please, just allow you man to go into his cave when he needs to and allow him to empty. If you do and leave him alone, he’s emerge by himself a stronger, happier man.

A Tip for Men: Women need to fill up. Women require attention, and it’s usually at the time you don’t want to give it. But if you do and honor her needs, she’ll leave you alone to veg in your cave.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s an example: Think about sex. After sex the man wants to sleep (ie. go into nothingness, empty). But women, we want to snuggle and talk (ie. connect, fill up).

Happy Monday! Go out there, fill up, empty…whatever, just take over the world today!

Kimberly